Lost, actually!

...That spasm, the moment!
That hour of thirst and my parched soul!
The burning avarice for your courtship!

I always adored your placid qualities,
Your eloquent eyes and soothing lips
That tranquil sound with contemplative gaze;
Was that a man that I want?
Was that the life I desired for?-asked my heart to my mind.
...and it remained unaswered...

...I want that paternal care,
That dominant lover,
That ever-so-sensuous music that flows
from his whole being in eternity...

I want that alluring masculinity,
Those enchanting words,
That obstinacy on the worldly matters,
A person painted in myriad colours
Who can make these moments- ''a timeless present''!

I want that existence to lay beside mine,
On a winter morning ... when the Sun will be glaring at us with pain,
Having seen him by my side,
I want those hands to lock my waist
I want those eyes to behold my heart
I want those fingers to touch me beneath my surface!!

I want- I want- I want-
I am craving!

No-He-Mine-My Destiny-My Past
My scattered pondering still sees him as Nature's honour!

He is not mine- not mine-
Uttered my throb, my veins,
my mind, my existence
and collapsed!